A person can never truly prepare themselves for the unexpected,
a medical issue, death, pregnancy anything really, but you just get through it
and do the best you can. But not all situations are that easy; sometimes the
people the event effects have children, jobs, commitments and other things that
still go on while this unexpected thing is happening. Most of us will try and
be level headed and work everything out and some of us become so overwhelmed
and torn. Well as you know my unexpected
thing was my brother, Andy, going into the hospital.
The day that Andy collapsed at work and I was made aware I didn’t
know what to do, I mean he was a healthy 24 year old man. It was scary don’t get
me wrong but I “knew” he would be ok. I had two sleeping kids and a husband who
was working out of town, what did I need to do, and how did I need to do it. Well
my mother in law came over so I could get on the road; this was against my husband’s
advice. He did NOT want me driving, he knew how I got when I cried and knew it
would not be safe for me to be on the road. I just told him I need to get there
I will be fine, I am not crying, I just need to get there. I made the entire 4
hour trip with no tears because I knew if I started to cry I would have to pull
over and that would delay me getting to my brother, I just rationalized it.
When I arrived at the hospital my husband had started the trip home so he could
be with our kids while I was gone, well by the time he reached Fargo we knew he
needed to come to. After he got to the hospital
again, the rational side in me came out. Ok so the doctors think he is going to
be here a while, he has surgery Monday, let’s go home tomorrow and see the kids
and then come back Saturday and stay through Tuesday.
So we made the trip home on Wednesday, every time I left the
hospital I felt like I was leaving my brother alone even though there were many
people there with him. The two days that
we were home we worked and tried to spend lots of time with our babies. It is
hard to admit that I was so happy to get back on the road on Saturday, my worry
level went from a 20 to a 10 just by being on my way there! At this point we
already knew that Andy was not able to get surgery on Monday we would be coming
back on Monday night instead of Tuesday. We had a wonderful time at the
hospital being with Andy and other family that was there, Monday evening came
all too fast. We got home late on Monday evening and it was good to get hugs
from my babies! We went to bed around 10:00pm that night and then I awoke to my
phone ringing at 11:30pm, it was a call from my dad saying that Andy was not
doing well and they were going to put him on dialysis and a few other things
were also happening. I asked if I needed to come and my dad said this, “give
your kids and husband a big kiss, and I will call you in a half hour and let
you know how things are going”. Those words were devastating, I went and kissed
the kids and Travis and then waited for the next call, this time it was my mom
saying meet me at Cori’s we need to go. So I did just that and again made the drive to
Sioux Falls after being home for only a few short hours. My husband decided to
stay home and be with the kids and let me go scope out the situation, well
after I got there he came right down.
Andy was not doing
well at this point, we did not know how much longer he had left his body was
very tired and very sick. At this point I had to do one of the hardest things I
have ever done in my entire life. My parents made us all give our blessing to
Andy that if he was too tired to keep fighting
that it was okay for him to go live with God, that he didn’t need to
fight so hard for us, we would and let him know that we would take care of
Brady. I told my mom that I didn’t want to and I wasn’t ready to do that and
she simply replied “but your going to aren’t you”, well yes I guess I was going
to do that. Over the next several hours we sat by Andy’s bed and prayed. Andy
somehow snapped out of this dreadful time and started heading in the right
direction again. Meanwhile pretty much our entire family was on their way to Sioux
Falls to show love and support.
I did not want to leave the hospital, I wanted to stay there
until Andy could go home, but as the days went on Andy kept getting better and
better so my husband and I made the hard decision to go home and see our kids.
Again, as I left I had such an empty feeling, even though I was going home to
see my kids, my everything, my heart was with Andy at the hospital.
Again this trip home did not last long; we got home Saturday
evening and spent time with the kids. As we were getting ready to head to
Sunday school my mom called me she said “this is more of an informative call”.
So she told me of a few more things going in with Andy, when I asked her if I needed
to come she didn’t say much. So I talked with my brother and he told me “if I wasn’t
here I would want to be”. Well that’s all I needed to hear so Travis and I
talked about it and it didn’t seem to be anything major so he was going to stay
home with the kids again. Well at this point it had been almost two weeks and I
had hardly seen the kids and my daughter was having a hard time with me
leaving, so we agreed to let he come with and hang out in the waiting room with
my aunts. So back in the car we got and headed to the hospital, when we got
there I had another major feeling of relief. Things seemed to be going well and
I was there, that night I stayed up a good portion of the night by Andy’s side
along with my other brother, Josh. The next morning the team of doctors had
their rounds; they still seemed optimistic about Andy and were still setting
goals for the future. But that soon all changed about 3pm that day as his
oxygen level was low and they were having problems getting it to a stable
level. They were trying everything but Andy soon told us all that now that
everyone had came to see him and he had fought to the bitter end he was ready
to go home, he was ready to look out for us from a new perspective, he was
ready to be out Angel.
So you see when you are going through a traumatic unexpected
event such as this, you can never truly prepare you can never have a plan on
what you are going to do or how you are going to handle it. You can’t be
rational about things or worry about life outside of what you are dealing with.
Of course you can try, just like I did, but most likely it will not go how you
say or the doctors say. It’s up to two people, the person it happened to and God.
So when things like this happen, pray and hard and as often as possible and be
in constant conversation with God, or whoever your higher power is, even if it
is hard for you. Also don’t ever think that the your loved one that is going
through this can’t hear you because they can.
left to right- My brother Andy, my brother Josh and Myself.