The Why's and The what If's

They why’s and the what if’s cause just about as much pain as the loss itself. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about what if the doctors did something different he would still be here today. I play things over and over in my head of things that happened that I feel could have been done differently and if I maybe would have just spoke up at that time the outcome would be different. Or if there was more knowledge all around about AVM’s, maybe signs to look for or even more knowledge for the doctors.  I want to know if they would have acted differently if he would still be alive. I want to know if the doctors feel like they did everything right.  

I have been told that this knowledge is not going to make my pain any less or go away at all. It is hard to see that when your grieving the loss of someone so close. It’s hard to see when the loss was so unexpected and when the doctors gave us every reason why he should live and he didn’t.  I feel like each day I get a little close to realizing that even if the answers were possible to get it won’t help me. So the things I am starting to move onto now are, I pray that the doctors learned something from Andy. I pray that their un success fulness with Andy saves someone else's life.

That above reading was mostly about the what if’s, the why’s are also very hard to face. They why questions are mostly to God, why Andy? Why did you have to take such an amazing man, father, brother, son, friend etc. Why did he have to take a baby boy’s father away and cause him the pain of never knowing his daddy? Why did he have to take away our parents son and leave them feeling empty? It makes no sense; there are many other people in this world that weren’t half the person Andy was. But I find my answer in God also, that he only takes the best. Andy had lived such a wonderful life in just 24 years that he was on earth.

Even though everyday myself and my family hurt, we know he is doing good things in heaven and preparing a place for his loved ones who will join him. He is hanging out with his grandparents and doing all the things he loves, he is with each and every one of us now and helping us through our struggles. There are many things I do that I think what he think of this situation, how would he handle this if he knew his life was so short.