This post come after a wonderful sermon in church today,
what I am going to post about always just comes to me so I wait for that
perfect topic to enter my mind. Today in church the sermon was about how Jesus
is your friend and what that means, more specifically to this post that he is
there for us through death and grieving.
Growing up going to church and religion I have always
learned that if you believe in God you will have eternal life. Now having gone
through this experience and both questioning and growing in my faith this has a
whole new meaning to me. The pastor today shared a story of his friend and
co-worker who was going through breast cancer, he and his co-workers bonded
together and did so many helpful things for her, but he explained it as that it
was her who was teaching them within her death. I know that Andy has taught me and many other
people things through his death but sometimes you just need a reality check to
get back to finding the rainbow after the storm.
When the pastor was talking about how Jesus is there to
comfort us though death as a friend I felt some sort of relief. Mostly because
Andy was heavily sedated and Jesus can connect with your spirit more than
anyone else, I was comforted to know that Andy was not alone in there. We were
all right beside him but Jesus was with Andy, he was there helping him
understand, being the friend we all longed to be at that moment but couldn’t be.
The pastor also talked about how his friend was not scared of death but was
scared of missing her kids and her family and friends. She has been fighting
for so long that death was no longer a fear but maybe a relief. This is what I felt when Andy left us, he was
tired of fighting so he was not afraid to go but was afraid of missing us and
of us missing him. I feel that’s why he held on so long and fought so hard, he struggled
so we could have time to say goodbye and let go and feel a little at ease with
him leaving.
Andy also taught us many things though his journey to death
and his journey to heaven. We were taught to be a little kinder to the ones
around us, to live our days without regrets. I have taken on the challenge to
be a better person and to continue to grow in my faith. But mostly how I look
at things and what I am open to hearing. Before Andy passed away I would not
have had as much connection with this sermon today and would have more than likely
tuned it out, but instead I latched on and learned a great deal. Or my interpretation of songs, songs I was thought were love songs now are songs of goodbyes to loved
ones who have passed.
My life more so now is a work in progress, but each day I wake
up and choose to be a better sister, mom, daughter, grand-daughter, friend etc.
Knowing more now today then yesterday that Jesus is the best friend I could
have during this difficult time, he is beside me helping me get through the
hard days and being able to enjoy the good ones. He is there to help me
remember Andy everyday and open my eyes to the signs he leaves for me.
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